Your correspondent was sent a copy of the attached letter. Being a lover of Brahms’ music it was felt his bounden duty to disseminate it widely.
The Managing Director, Sydney Symphony
Messrs Maunder, Noble and Ignoble
Sydney Opera House
(Although I use the title ill-advisedly. You are, clearly, none of you gentlemen.) I must take issue with your scandalous and reprehensible references to lovers of Brahms during your recent G&S event. I hasten to add, I am not Brahms’ lover. I have always been straight. Nor am I that old (although I have been referred to as a curmudgeon more than once). I am however a lover of Brahms music. This is why my ire is up at your dreadful doggerel. I suspect it may be your latent wowserism. It is not fair to target a man just because he played piano in brothels. He needed the money. He had responsibilities. And where were your responsibilities when you chose to lampoon the “eagle who flew down from the north” (that’s a Schumann reference you clowns. G&S fans would never get it). Be it known that we Brahms lovers read beyond the sports pages of the Daily Telegraph. Some of us even finished high school. Indeed, some of us are members of the Hillsong Church from whom, it is understood, you have also heard.
It is hard enough, without your spiteful outpourings, for those of us who do, in the privacy of our homes, with the blinds drawn and volume turned down, occasionally put on The Academic Festival Overture. Some of us sing along too, but not so loud as to disturb the neighbours. Most Brahms lovers are old enough to have been forced to learn Latin. A gaudeamus igitur to you too! Not to mention a molestam senectutem to all your ilk. Neighbours, too, are dangerous. They may call the police.
We may be a small band, but we are growing, particularly since I started discussions with Maurice Blackburn and also Slater and Gordon. A class action is in development and you will be hearing from our lawyers shortly.
In the meantime I have cancelled my Opera Australia and Sydney Symphony subscriptions and will no longer purchase that fellow travelling rag, Limelight Magazine.
Yours in high dungeon (sic),
Name and Address Supplied